I’ve been trying to figure out for a while how I wanted to proceed. I was already using social media—I had my YouTube channel, TikTok, and Facebook page—before the demise of my marriage, because I could feel a personal change coming. My children were becoming adults and empty-nest was nearby, and I was just starting to navigate the reality of figuring out who I wanted to be when I grew up.
Then, my marriage fell apart before I could fully explore that aspect. I went into crisis mode.
I immediately went silent across all my channels. I removed my photos, made everything private, and just tried to deal with the overwhelming grief and trauma of betrayal. I was, and still am, often in disbelief and immense sadness.
Seven Months Later
But here I am, seven months later, feeling strong enough to start sharing parts of my journey. I’m trying to find my own way now that the future I thought I was helping to build is no more. Now, I’m focused on rebuilding my own future with only me in mind.
The recent realization? I haven’t been alone with myself since I was 19 years old. Now I’m 47, and I don’t have my own established ecosystem.
I was so wrapped up in being married, being a mother, and working that I didn’t really have much that took up my time outside of those roles. Sure, I spent time reading and learning languages, but I didn’t prioritize those activities. They were squeezed into the free spaces of my day, managing everything else.
So, here I am, 20+ years later, figuring out what kind of life I want to live, what I truly want to do, and how I want to spend my time.
